One more thing...

I knew I left something out - and this was too funny...

My mom had Campbell for the weekend, and I called to check on her. My mom said she had gotten her a new baby doll and that Campbell was loving it. Then my mom told me what she named it... CARLOS JESUS. yes, thats right - carlos jesus.

So now everytime we play with her/him? I have to say that - and I laugh out loud everytime. "Mommy, Carlos Jesus is ready for a nap." "Mommy, Carlos Jesus is hungry!"
Its just too much... She gets the award for creativity! (Maybe it came from a mix of her love of mexican food and her love of God?) :)

From the mouth of babes....

...comes trouble!

I always wondered when Campbell would start saying blunt things in front of others that would be rude/hurtful - even though she didn't mean it... you know, those kids that yell "He's FAT mommy!" or "Is she having a baby?" Well, the day has finally come for me to join those horrified mothers...

We were at a funeral not long ago, and Campbell had to go potty so we were waiting in line outside the bathroom door. A family member walked up behind us with her mother and I was introducing Campbell to them. She was being shy, and as we started to walk away when it was our turn for the restroom she yelled "Momma, is she a WITCH?" I would love to have seen how red my face actually got - but I ducked into the bathroom as fast as I could. I proceded to have a heated conversation with Campbell about how witches are not real, but pretend - and that we do NOT call people that. I still can't figure out why she thought that - it was a very sweet lady around 60 or 65, but who knows... no more Wizard of Oz for Campbell!

Then another day we were in publix and a very masculine lady that worked there stopped to say hi to Campbell as we were shopping. She had a very deep voice, and before she walked away Campbell yelled "Is that a boy or a girl?" Again, we had to have a talk about how you only ask those questions AFTER they have walked away!!

We saw a sweet friend-of-a-friend at Moes the other night, and she had just come from running. She had on cute running clothes, and her hair in a pony tail. When she said hi to Campbell, Campbell responded "You must be a cheerleader!" Hilarious.

One of my best friends from high school was spending the night with me while her husband was out of town, and Campbell woke up in the middle of the night. I went to check on her, and told her we had to be quiet because Aunt Joy had to sleep since she had to go to work the next day. Campbell looked really confused as she looked at me and said, "Silly mommy... girls don't go to work - boys do! Girls go to the store..." Wow, did Ben love that one...

Easter pictures and more updates to come as soon as I can get our SLOW computer to cooperate!

Happy Thursday!

Campbells 3rd Birthday!

Well sweet girl, here is your birthday post - although its over a month late. I cannot believe that it has been 3 years since God brought you into our lives - what a blessing you have been... You are such a fun little girl - so full of energy and imagination. You are so thoughtful and compassionate - the Lord is developing some great qualities in you that I hope never change. You make us laugh every single day, and you never meet a stranger - kind of like your mommy. :)Thank you for adding so much to our family over the past 3 years - we love you so much - plus even more. :)

Campbell's birthday was very eventful for us - she got the stomach virus right before her birthday, which mean I had the stomach virus ON her birthday. It was very sad since I missed her party at school (but at least she got to make "3" cupcakes to take and share - pictures of the baking are in the slideshow) and we had to settle for McAlisters for her long awaited birthday dinner (since all I could stomach at the time was soup) - though she didn't seem to mind. She even got to bring her doll Fancy Nancy (also included in the pictures).

Thankfully we were all well by the time her "pink" Cooking Party rolled around, and although it was a little chaotic, it was so very fun! I made a cooking utensil chandalier for above the food table and Ben made her a 3 to hang on the front door out of cooking spoons. We had pink cupcakes and a pink cake just for Campbell. (plus pink lemonade, etc - you get the picture) The kids got to decorate their own aprons and had chef hats to match. They also baked their own lunch of pizza and cupcakes. Campbell had a blast since cooking is her favorite thing to do - and she had lots of help from friends opening all those presents. :) Plus the kids got to take home a goody bag filled with fun cooking things!

Some of our favorite people came in town to help us celebrate - Honey, Uncle Brian, Pop Pop and Doll, Uncle Gavin, Aunt Alissa and Daniel, and Mimi and Big Daddy. They were so sweet to drive all that way! Not to mention the many friends who have become our family here that came to celebrate as well... Campbell even convinced Uncle Brian to try out some of her new presents - Cinderella slippers and the tea set!

Happy Third sweet Campbell - can't wait to celebrate many more with you!

Perfectly Right

A friend just gave me the devotional called Streams in the Desert - and I started it today... this entry brought me much comfort (and tears) after a rough week in my walk with the Lord...


Consider what God has done, Who can straighten what He has made crooked?
Ecclesiastes 7:13

Your situation is filled with uncertainty and is very serious, but it is so PERFECTLY RIGHT. The reason behind it will more than justify Him who brought you here, for it is a platform from which God will display His almighty grace and power.

He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it through singing. You will be unable to ever thank Him enough for doing exactly what He has done:

"We may wait till He explains,
because we know that Jesus reigns.

It puzzles me; but, Lord, You understandest,
and will one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Your best -
its very crookedness taught me to cling.

You have fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wandering eyes fixed on You,
To make me what I was not, humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love to You.

So I will thank and praise You for this puzzle,
and trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing You do hold me worth such a testing,
I cling the closer to Your guiding hand."


We are still waiting - and it is painful, but SO PERFECTLY RIGHT. This past week was a tough one in this fertility battle - and I was so angry and wanted to give up. But God is patient with me - and I know that this crookedness is working out His best, and is teaching me to cling... So I am thanking Him for the puzzle - and trusting where I cannot understand.

Pink

Campbell is obsessed with pink, not a little - A LOT. My sweet little girl that is still a baby in my mind, will be turning THREE YEARS OLD wednesday... I cannot believe it. I asked what kind of cupcakes she wanted for her party at school tomorrow - she replied, pink. And pink icing. And pink candles. Then I asked what kind of cake she wanted for her little party this weekend, and she replied - you guessed it, pink. And pink icing. And pink candles. This should be interesting...

Today I took her to Chick fil A (her favorite) for breakfast and this is the conversation that took place: (to set the stage, we were in the drive thru and she had multi colored polka dot pjs on)

C: Mommy, does God love us?
Me: Oh yes baby, very much...
C: Does God make pajamas?
Me: Well, yes, sort of
C: Does God make polka dots?
Me: Do you love polka dots Campbell?
C: No, just the pink ones - see Mommy (pointing to the pink polka dot) - this is the one that I love

Hilarious. A birthday post and pictures to come soon...

Amazima

I don't really even know where to begin with this post - my heart is so heavy...
I was reading a friends blog a few days ago, and learned of this 21 year old girl named Katie who has a ministry to orphans in Uganda. I started to read her blog, and was amazed... This young girl moved to Uganda, cares spiritually and physically for over 1,000 children and their families, and has adopted 14 daughters of her own!!

I have always wanted to adopt (from Africa, specifically) but have become more serious about it after struggling with fertility issues. After reading about Katie, and seeing the sweet faces, and hearing the above and beyond sad stories of these children - I want to commit to praying about adoption more fervently. I remember saying as a young Christian that I did not feel called to missions, as some were not. That, I now feel, is a lie. We are ALL called to missions. Maybe not full time, but we are all still called to make disciples of ALL nations. On the same note, I have heard people say that adoption is not for everyone. And that may be true - but we are ALL called to "Be kind to widows, orphans, fatherless children and strangers. Share whatever you have with them." Deuteronomy 24:17-21 "Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked." Psalms 82:3-4

We can do this through Amazima - and I encourage you to all pray about this... For only $300 a year, you can "adopt" one of these orphans and provide them with the funding for school, school supplies, 2 meals a day, and minor medical care. Not to mention providing them care for their souls - and introducing them to the God who loves them so much... I would love to go visit Katie one day - and meet these children face to face. I am so jealous of Bens medical knowledge and training, because he is so needed in places like this - where I sometimes feel useless. But one thing I CAN do is LOVE on those children - and maybe even bring one home! :)

I have had Katie and her ministry on my mind and in my prayers since I read her blog - it was so convicting to read her stories, and know that I was living so comfortably here doing nothing to help. It also confused me that I am begging God for another child and medically pursuing treatment that could give me one - when there are SO MANY children waiting to be loved in Uganda, and so many other countries - even our own. Please look into Katie's ministry - you'll be glad you did...

amazima.org

kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

Conversations with Daddy

 

Campbell is definitely a daddy's girl... and as much as Ben wanted to have a boy (and still does) it has been so fun to hear him tell people recently "Man, there is nothing like having a little girl..." She thinks her Daddy hung the moon, and cannot wait until he walks through the door each day. (well, he doesn't actually walk through the door EACH day unfortunately, but we wish he did!)

Being the faithful reformed man he is :), he has started teaching Campbell some Catechism questions and answers. (It is basically the foundations of our faith put into question/answer form - super helpful for teaching kids) She knows the first one, and it is so cute to hear Ben quiz her...

Ben: Campbell, what is the chief end of man?
Campbell: To gworify God, and enjoy him forever!

Then sometimes she turns it around on him and asks him the question... Guess I better start learning the Catechism! She keeps us on our toes... :)

The other day Ben was talking with her in the car, and she was asking him (quizing him) what color things were. This is the conversation that followed...

Ben: What color are you Campbell?
Campbell: I'm clear daddy!

We died laughing....

Then the other day I heard her talking to Ben under her breath (he didn't hear her) but she said "Daddy, you are always so beautiful... and I love you so much" Now if she would only tell me that every day :)

Catching Up

 

Once again, I have fallen behind with blogging... but I will try to catch up with a little review of the last few months:

-We had our first appointment with the fertility doctor, which was really helpful and gave us a "plan". We hoped to move forward with treatment in December, but then found out my blood sugar needed to be more tightly controlled before we began. So now we are waiting on that to go down some, and will have more bloodwork done at the end of the month to re-evaluate. Pray for test results close to a 7.0...

-Ben and I got to go to Gatlinburg for a little trip before Christmas to celebrate 6 years together, and almost got snowed in there since the Yukon doesn't have 4wheel drive. :)

-We had a great Christmas in Auburn, Campbell really understood more this year and LOVED singing Happy Birthday to baby Jesus...but we aren't really going to do the whole Santa thing, so it was interesting to see how she responded to the "What did Santa bring you?" questions. She would mostly say that yes, she got presents - but would then shout "Happy Birthday Jesus!" I think she got the important part! :)

-New Years was uneventful since Ben had to work... bummer.

-My friend Kendall had her twins! 2 healthy boys, and one healthy mama... hopefully they will all be home together soon!

-Campbell will be 3 soon (Feb.3) which has happened WAY to fast... but I have to say, I wouldn't be too terribly sad if we skipped the 2.5-3.5 age all together... it is kicking my butt!! Any survival advice?

-As tough as this age is, she still cracks me up with her hilarious comments... here are a few:

Campbell: Turtles don't talk mama...
Me: Thats right baby, they don't talk.
Campbell: No, they just laugh...

"You are the goodest man Daddy...and you are the goodest you Mama." (guess she couldn't think of the word woman :) )

She has also been into "getting married" lately. (Partly because Cinderella is her favorite movie, and she loves how they get married at the ball) So she likes to tell Ben she is going to marry him at the ball too - and gets him to twirl her around like the prince does Cinderella... priceless! (He even showed her our wedding album the other day so she could see my dress, and the pictures of us dancing "at the ball")


That about does it for the news around here... sorry for the lack of pictures - but the ONE THING I forgot on the Gatlinburg trip and in Auburn for Christmas was the CAMERA!! I promise to do better...

Waiting

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait!"

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming Your Word."

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I need a yes, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a no to which I can resign."

"And Lord you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run."

"All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want - but, you wouldn't KNOW ME."

"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint,
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint."

"You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair,
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see."

"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove.
You'd know that I give and I save... (for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart."

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth thats beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God who makes what you have LAST."

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for thee,"
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!"

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."



i did not write this - but i could hug the person who did. somehow, they managed to put into words exactly what i am feeling these days, and what God is saying in return. many of you have been asking me how i am doing, or what the latest fertility news is - and this poem sums it up. we are waiting. and i am tired of waiting. BUT - i can say that i am desperate and needing my God like i never have in all my life, and that has been a good, good thing... and i am thankful for it.

Halloween and such

 

 

 

 

We aren't huge Halloween people at our house, so we like to call it Reformation Day. :) That didn't stop us from having a really fun weekend though! Campbell actually understood the "trick or treat" thing this year, and of course loved dressing up. The first few pictures are of our little ballerina... she was too cute and looked so big running up to each door. We already had the costume since she started taking ballet this fall, but I have recently taken her out for now - I think she was just too young. She really liked it, but it was more music and playtime that ballet. Can't wait to put her back in a class next fall though. At least we didnt waste the outfit!

Friday night our friends Kendall and Will had a party at their hunting lodge in Guntersville. Campbell was a doctor that night, with pink scrubs that had Dr.Campbell monogrammed on them. (a sweet friend gave them to us) She even had a little play doctors kit with all the gear, and Ben brought her shoe covers, a surgeons hat, etc home from the hospital. But, she wouldn't keep anything but the scrubs on - so we switched to a ballerina for trick or treating. :) Saturday night we trick or treated with friends, and Sunday night our church had a huge "tailgate" on the soccer fields where each small group tailgates, and the kids trick or treat at each one.

The other random pictures above were too cute not to share - we went "puddle jumping" on our street a while back, and Campbell was thrilled that she got to wear only her swimsuit and rainboots. That girl loves puddles - and this time she didnt get in trouble for getting in them! Daddy even joined in the fun since he LIVES in his boots too - mommy just took pictures. :)

Songs in the Car

So I realize its been over a month since I posted - shame on me! A lot has happened since then - I had a birthday, Campbell and I went to Charleston to visit my friend Jess with my parents, and much more. All of which, I need to post pictures from. But don't have time today - but I have to quickly pass on what just happened in the car before I forget...

Campbell and I were on the way home from school, and she sang the whole way home. Not any songs like the usual ABC's or Jesus loves Me - no, today she was making up her own - for an entire 15 minutes... and I was ROLLING will laughter...

(you have to picture this being sung with a sing-songy tune :) )

God loves us, and God loves ice cream!
Jesus, please give God some ice cream...
He loves it cause it is soooo very yummy
and He will eat it and get it all over
His mustache!
Gooooooooood loooooooooves ice cream!

Hope you all enjoyed that as much as I did - if only I could put THAT on my ipod...

Why didn't you tell us?!?

We have recently figured out that there is HORRIBLE Seal music playing when you view our blog... why didn't you tell us?!? Most blogs I visit have wonderful music in the background, but Ben and I just never added any songs to ours. Then when logging in to post one day, my speakers happened to be on - and I heard what you guys have been hearing... so sorry! We have no clue how to get it off since we didn't put it on there, but we are working on it... I have been wanting to post a video with music - but can't until we get rid of Seal! If you have any suggestions for this please let us know...

Until then - a story...

My parents have a lake behind their house. It's just a small lake for fishing - but Campbell loves it. My parents take her in the canoe, and let her swim. So the other day we were in the car with Campbell when this conversation took place:

Campbell: Daddy, I love Papa's lake.

Ben: I love the lake too Campbell - maybe one day we can get a house on a lake.

Campbell: We can daddy, we can! We can go get one at the Hobby Wobby! (hobby lobby)

This story is hilarious for many reasons - apparently Campbell thinks you can buy lakehouses at Hobby Lobby, and that she even knows what Hobby Lobby is... anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT a crafty person like many of my friends... where do they get this stuff?!?

We're Back!

Sorry for the LONG break from blogging - its been a busy month, and we just got back from a week long trip to Auburn to see Bens family that were in town from Seattle. No news on the fertility front - it looks like I will need a higher dose of meds next month... still just hanging on and trusting God to change us through this... for now, He is enough! (keep praying that for me...) I have lots of pictures to share, and lots of updating to do... But first - I need to attend to the mountains of laundry and lack of food in the fridge... check back soon!

I will leave you with a few recent Campbell quotes...

"I'm going to marry my daddy..." (my heart melted)

"I need to go get a popsicle and eat it in bed - thats my job." (after just waking up)

"This is beautiful!" (after entering bens parents new house)

"You have a beautiful dress on Doll..." (complimenting Bens mom)

"I love your pretty hair bow Kimmie." (to kimmie about her bobby pin holding her bangs back - kimmie thought this was funny since she hadn't showered...)

"You are a good daddy" and "You are a good mommy"

She has been full of compliments lately!! :)

He will make something beautiful...

Anyone who knows me very well knows that I get very emotional during worship in church. (especially those sitting beside me!) Something about music has always had a special place in my heart - and I treasure that worship time on Sundays almost as much as I treasure the sermon. It is amazing to me how often it seems these songs have been written just for me... 2 of my very favorites are Before the Throne (the Shane and Shane version) and Oh, How He Loves Us (which I have on an old blog post). If you haven't heard them, get to searching for them right away!

This past Sunday was no exception for me... my brother in law and sister in law were in town, and were with me - but Ben was working. It was time for Communion, and our Music Minister sang a duet with a girl from the worship team. It was beautiful... With my head bowed, tears were rolling down my cheeks as I thanked the Lord that He had not forgotten my pain - and had sent this song as a reminder to me. EVERY word explained what I am feeling every single day, yet couldn't express in words. This "road to another baby" isn't getting any easier, but thankfully God isn't (nor will ever) get less faithful either.

The song is called Make Something Beautiful by Laura Story. Her version is a little faster - they sang a slow version on Sunday. Either way, it is now in my top 5 - and you must hear it. I hope this song will encourage you as it did me - and no matter what you are going through, TRUST HIM to make something beautiful...


when I’m at the point of breaking
at the place where I resign,
And I’m at the stage of shaking my head
as I look back on my life,
When I’m halfway through the grieving,
but not quite through the ache,
When I cannot see the ending
Or which road I’m supposed to take

All I know to do
is lift my hands to You
Take all of my life,
all of my life,
And make something beautiful.
I open my hand,
trusting Your plan.
to Make something beautiful
so all will see
your work in me
as you Make something beautiful

when i'm tired of pretending
and can't recall my lines
do i say i'm barely breathing
or say i'm doing fine
i admit there is a yearning
for the hurting to subside
BUT NOT AT THE RISK OF MISSING
what you're doing in my life

All I know to do
is lift my hands to You
Take all of my life,
all of my life,
And make something beautiful.
I open my hand,
trusting Your plan.
to Make something beautiful
so all will see
your work in me
as you Make something beautiful

all i know to do
is lift my hands to you...
all i know to do
is lift my hands to you...

make something beautiful
make something beautiful

Amen!

I call - He answers

I have heard people say that it is hard for them to read blogs - because people only put the "good" in their lives on their blogs - as if every one of us has happy husbands, obedient children, and a perfectly clean house with a yummy meal in the oven. We all know this is not so... and to prove it, this post will expose me for the helpless sinner that I am. No need to hide it - I need Him. Today especially - and when I called, He answered.

Ben has been working long hours, which is always hard for many reasons. We don't get enough time together, which usually brings petty arguments for no reason. It also means Campbell doesn't get enough time with HIM (which breaks my heart), and I get too much time with HER. Plus Ben is exhausted, and never gets a break... not a good combination. On top of this, the terrible two's have slapped me in the face. When Campbell first hit 2 I thought, "hey, this isn't too bad!" - boy was that premature. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my child - and she has really good days, but she has really bad days too. Like the last several in a row - which have been enough to send me over the edge... like today.

I had lunch with 2 college friends, and Campbell poked one of the them in the face with a fork and refused to apologize. She also wouldn't hug them or tell them bye - but prefered to scream no instead. When I got home, I had had enough. I emailed Ben to apologize for not being forgiving in a stupid argument from the night before, and broke down in the middle of it. I want to love my husband and child perfectly - and I can't. I fail every day. I also want another child so badly - and hate the waiting period the Lord is taking us through. But then I have this horrible feeling, that maybe He shouldn't give us another if I am having such a hard time with this one. A terrible thought, I know - but an honest one.

With tears rolling down my cheeks, I collapsed on my bed knowing I didn't need to call a friend, my mom or even Ben at work - I needed to talk to my heavenly Father. He was the only one that could save me from this pit... I tried to pray, sing a favorite hymn or 2 in my head, but I needed to hear from the Lord - so I brushed the dust off my Bible (yes, i said dust - it has been a while - which is probably how i got in this pit) and opened to Romans 8. And as I read the very words of God Himself, I saw a heading called "More than Conquerors". Ha - I thought - I DEFINITELY don't feel like a conqueror - let alone more. I feel like a failure. But as I read I was reminded that it is not ME who conquers... it is HIM.

"In all these things we are more than conquerors THROUGH HIM WHO LOVED US. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord."

I am so easy overwelmed with the turns life has been taking these days, sometimes I feel the walls closing in. Today the Lord sweetly reminded me He would save me from that feeling by showing me "how WIDE and LONG and HIGH and DEEP is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:18-19

Thank you Jesus...