Anyone who knows me very well knows that I get very emotional during worship in church. (especially those sitting beside me!) Something about music has always had a special place in my heart - and I treasure that worship time on Sundays almost as much as I treasure the sermon. It is amazing to me how often it seems these songs have been written just for me... 2 of my very favorites are Before the Throne (the Shane and Shane version) and Oh, How He Loves Us (which I have on an old blog post). If you haven't heard them, get to searching for them right away!
This past Sunday was no exception for me... my brother in law and sister in law were in town, and were with me - but Ben was working. It was time for Communion, and our Music Minister sang a duet with a girl from the worship team. It was beautiful... With my head bowed, tears were rolling down my cheeks as I thanked the Lord that He had not forgotten my pain - and had sent this song as a reminder to me. EVERY word explained what I am feeling every single day, yet couldn't express in words. This "road to another baby" isn't getting any easier, but thankfully God isn't (nor will ever) get less faithful either.
The song is called Make Something Beautiful by Laura Story. Her version is a little faster - they sang a slow version on Sunday. Either way, it is now in my top 5 - and you must hear it. I hope this song will encourage you as it did me - and no matter what you are going through, TRUST HIM to make something beautiful...
when I’m at the point of breaking
at the place where I resign,
And I’m at the stage of shaking my head
as I look back on my life,
When I’m halfway through the grieving,
but not quite through the ache,
When I cannot see the ending
Or which road I’m supposed to take
All I know to do
is lift my hands to You
Take all of my life,
all of my life,
And make something beautiful.
I open my hand,
trusting Your plan.
to Make something beautiful
so all will see
your work in me
as you Make something beautiful
when i'm tired of pretending
and can't recall my lines
do i say i'm barely breathing
or say i'm doing fine
i admit there is a yearning
for the hurting to subside
BUT NOT AT THE RISK OF MISSING
what you're doing in my life
All I know to do
is lift my hands to You
Take all of my life,
all of my life,
And make something beautiful.
I open my hand,
trusting Your plan.
to Make something beautiful
so all will see
your work in me
as you Make something beautiful
all i know to do
is lift my hands to you...
all i know to do
is lift my hands to you...
make something beautiful
make something beautiful
Amen!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I call - He answers
I have heard people say that it is hard for them to read blogs - because people only put the "good" in their lives on their blogs - as if every one of us has happy husbands, obedient children, and a perfectly clean house with a yummy meal in the oven. We all know this is not so... and to prove it, this post will expose me for the helpless sinner that I am. No need to hide it - I need Him. Today especially - and when I called, He answered.
Ben has been working long hours, which is always hard for many reasons. We don't get enough time together, which usually brings petty arguments for no reason. It also means Campbell doesn't get enough time with HIM (which breaks my heart), and I get too much time with HER. Plus Ben is exhausted, and never gets a break... not a good combination. On top of this, the terrible two's have slapped me in the face. When Campbell first hit 2 I thought, "hey, this isn't too bad!" - boy was that premature. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my child - and she has really good days, but she has really bad days too. Like the last several in a row - which have been enough to send me over the edge... like today.
I had lunch with 2 college friends, and Campbell poked one of the them in the face with a fork and refused to apologize. She also wouldn't hug them or tell them bye - but prefered to scream no instead. When I got home, I had had enough. I emailed Ben to apologize for not being forgiving in a stupid argument from the night before, and broke down in the middle of it. I want to love my husband and child perfectly - and I can't. I fail every day. I also want another child so badly - and hate the waiting period the Lord is taking us through. But then I have this horrible feeling, that maybe He shouldn't give us another if I am having such a hard time with this one. A terrible thought, I know - but an honest one.
With tears rolling down my cheeks, I collapsed on my bed knowing I didn't need to call a friend, my mom or even Ben at work - I needed to talk to my heavenly Father. He was the only one that could save me from this pit... I tried to pray, sing a favorite hymn or 2 in my head, but I needed to hear from the Lord - so I brushed the dust off my Bible (yes, i said dust - it has been a while - which is probably how i got in this pit) and opened to Romans 8. And as I read the very words of God Himself, I saw a heading called "More than Conquerors". Ha - I thought - I DEFINITELY don't feel like a conqueror - let alone more. I feel like a failure. But as I read I was reminded that it is not ME who conquers... it is HIM.
"In all these things we are more than conquerors THROUGH HIM WHO LOVED US. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord."
I am so easy overwelmed with the turns life has been taking these days, sometimes I feel the walls closing in. Today the Lord sweetly reminded me He would save me from that feeling by showing me "how WIDE and LONG and HIGH and DEEP is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:18-19
Thank you Jesus...
Ben has been working long hours, which is always hard for many reasons. We don't get enough time together, which usually brings petty arguments for no reason. It also means Campbell doesn't get enough time with HIM (which breaks my heart), and I get too much time with HER. Plus Ben is exhausted, and never gets a break... not a good combination. On top of this, the terrible two's have slapped me in the face. When Campbell first hit 2 I thought, "hey, this isn't too bad!" - boy was that premature. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my child - and she has really good days, but she has really bad days too. Like the last several in a row - which have been enough to send me over the edge... like today.
I had lunch with 2 college friends, and Campbell poked one of the them in the face with a fork and refused to apologize. She also wouldn't hug them or tell them bye - but prefered to scream no instead. When I got home, I had had enough. I emailed Ben to apologize for not being forgiving in a stupid argument from the night before, and broke down in the middle of it. I want to love my husband and child perfectly - and I can't. I fail every day. I also want another child so badly - and hate the waiting period the Lord is taking us through. But then I have this horrible feeling, that maybe He shouldn't give us another if I am having such a hard time with this one. A terrible thought, I know - but an honest one.
With tears rolling down my cheeks, I collapsed on my bed knowing I didn't need to call a friend, my mom or even Ben at work - I needed to talk to my heavenly Father. He was the only one that could save me from this pit... I tried to pray, sing a favorite hymn or 2 in my head, but I needed to hear from the Lord - so I brushed the dust off my Bible (yes, i said dust - it has been a while - which is probably how i got in this pit) and opened to Romans 8. And as I read the very words of God Himself, I saw a heading called "More than Conquerors". Ha - I thought - I DEFINITELY don't feel like a conqueror - let alone more. I feel like a failure. But as I read I was reminded that it is not ME who conquers... it is HIM.
"In all these things we are more than conquerors THROUGH HIM WHO LOVED US. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord."
I am so easy overwelmed with the turns life has been taking these days, sometimes I feel the walls closing in. Today the Lord sweetly reminded me He would save me from that feeling by showing me "how WIDE and LONG and HIGH and DEEP is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:18-19
Thank you Jesus...
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Up, Up, and AWAY!!
So, my ridiculously awesome wife surprised me with a SKYDIVING trip for my birthday this year!! I have always wanted to go, but of late, Katie had "convinced" me that it wasn't a good idea, now that we have a child to look after and stuff. So I had kinda given up on the idea. Then, a couple days before my birthday, she got Campbell to come out with a piece of paper that Campbell had colored that said "Happy Birthday Daddy" on it, but on the other side were pictures of people skydiving with my and her brother's face on them(she got him to go with me). I was very surprised, but unfortunately showed it by not acting all that excited. I was shocked and actually VERY pumped! Anyway, we went this past Saturday at a place outside Atlanta.
It was easily THE coolest thing I have ever done! I mean really, how much cool stuff do people do that would be more awesome than skydiving? I jumped tandem as you can see from the pictures below and a cameraman videoed the whole thing which was really nice to have. Man! It was awesome! We jumped from 14,000 ft. and pulled the chute at about 5,000 ft. Free fall for at least a full minute, then sailed down the rest of the way over about 7-8 minutes. The falling sensation lasts for about 2-3 seconds until your velocity plateaus, then it just feels like a giant fan is blowing wind at you, and its really loud. After the chute opens its dead silent and all you hear is the gentle flapping of the chute and you can look around and enjoy the view. Landing was smooth and everything. We were asking the guys how much it would cost to get all our own gear and learn to do it on our own. Because after you get certified its only about $20-30 for a "lift ticket" for them to take you up. Not too bad.
Anyway, check out the picks and give Kate major props for the most awesome birthday present ever.
True or False, I have the best wife ever and you're jealous she's not yours? I'll save you the thinking . . . TRUE!
It was easily THE coolest thing I have ever done! I mean really, how much cool stuff do people do that would be more awesome than skydiving? I jumped tandem as you can see from the pictures below and a cameraman videoed the whole thing which was really nice to have. Man! It was awesome! We jumped from 14,000 ft. and pulled the chute at about 5,000 ft. Free fall for at least a full minute, then sailed down the rest of the way over about 7-8 minutes. The falling sensation lasts for about 2-3 seconds until your velocity plateaus, then it just feels like a giant fan is blowing wind at you, and its really loud. After the chute opens its dead silent and all you hear is the gentle flapping of the chute and you can look around and enjoy the view. Landing was smooth and everything. We were asking the guys how much it would cost to get all our own gear and learn to do it on our own. Because after you get certified its only about $20-30 for a "lift ticket" for them to take you up. Not too bad.
Anyway, check out the picks and give Kate major props for the most awesome birthday present ever.
True or False, I have the best wife ever and you're jealous she's not yours? I'll save you the thinking . . . TRUE!
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